I'll Catch You When You Fall
by BigTimeRush-BTR
Summary: Knowing that he wasn't good enough for his parents hurt, but having Kendall by his side somehow made the heartache a bit more bearable.


**This was originally supposed to be a fic focusing on James, but if you know me, or have been reading my stories for a long time, you probably know that I have to somehow always add Kendall in the story... Most of the time, anyway. So, this turned into Kames. I actually really like how this turned out, so I hope you guys will too. :)**

 **This was written for the BTR Plot Adoption Forum Christmas challenge, which was basically to write some kind of Christmas story. I know this isn't really a Christmas story (I just realized that, actually), but it takes place during Christmas, so... If you guys want to write one, that'd be great. The more people joining, the better. :)**

 **Anyway, I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

 _"You're not my son. I refuse to be a father to someone like you."_

Those were the last words that James' dad had spoken as he walked out his front door, never to be seen again. James was only ten when it had happened, but he remembers every single word. He remembers the look of disappointment and hatred that had reflected off his father's hazel eyes. He remembers the way venom seemed to drip from every word and felt like a punch to the face, only much, much worse.

He remembers watching his mom as she sat on the bottom of the stairs, make-up running down her face as tears rolled down her cheeks at a fast pace. He remembers wanting to cry but holding it all in as he neared her and tried to comfort her, only to be pushed away and yelled at.

He had then ran to his room, shut the door behind him, and crawled into bed, no longer being able to stop the incoming tears. He had cried himself to sleep that night, his heart shattered, not only by his father, but by his mother as well. They had confirmed what he already knew.

He wasn't wanted, loved, or cared for. In other words, he was a mistake in his parents' eyes, and it was because of him that his father had left. It was because of him that his mother had been left heartbroken. And even now that he was eighteen years old, he had trouble getting past the guilt and hatred he felt towards himself.

After his father had left, his mother had began acting cold towards him. She had started to neglect him, showing little worry for the young boy, and had even gone as far as to physically abuse him. That was something that was certainly difficult to get over. No matter how much his friends and their families told him that he was loved and cared for, it still hurt to know that he simply wasn't enough for his parents, and he never would be. It caused him a lot of pain and heartache that he could not escape, even if he tried.

* * *

"Hey."

James looks away from the frosted window, diverting his eyes from the falling snowflakes to stare at a face that he knows all too well.

Kendall takes a seat beside him on the bed and places his hand near James', which is resting against the duvet bedding. Without hesitance, he takes ahold of it and interlaces their fingers together, causing the ghost of a smile to appear on James' face. "You okay?"

James shakes his head in response. There's no point in lying to Kendall – the blond can see right past him and tell when he is not being sincere. "Not really," he says softly as he looks away from Kendall's worried gaze and focuses his attention back on the falling snow. "It was Christmas when he left, you know. It's been eight years."

"I know," Kendall says in a gentle tone. He lets go of James' hand, and instead scoots closer to him, wrapping an arm around the brunet's torso and pulling him close. "It's okay to be upset. I know that it really hurt you when he left."

"I don't want to be upset over it anymore. It's Christmas – it's supposed to be the jolliest time of the year, yet I feel anything but jolly, and I hate it. I don't like feeling like this."

"Then how about we go out for a bit? Just you and me, how does that sound?"

"I doubt that'll make me get over it," James says bitterly.

"I know it won't, but maybe going out and spending some time outside will help. It'll help take your mind off things for a while, and I think it's at least worth a shot."

James sighs as he turns to look at the dirty blond, seeing the look of hopefulness displayed in bright green eyes. He smiles, a real smile, and leans over and presses a kiss to the younger boy's forehead. "Yeah, I think so, too."

"Great!" Kendall grins as he stands up, extending his hand forward, waiting for James to take ahold of it. James does so almost immediately, allowing Kendall to pull him to his feet. The two boys walk out of the bedroom and into the living room, where Katie and Mrs. Knight are sitting on the couch, watching a Christmas movie.

"Hey mom, we're gonna go out for a bit, but we'll be back later," Kendall says as he grabs his jacket from the coat rack near the front door, and then puts on his boots.

"Okay honey, have fun."

James follows suit, and then grabs the shorter boy's beanie and places it on his head. He can't help the smile that comes to his face when Kendall gives him a playful glare.

"What?" he asks innocently.

"You always do that," Kendall says, poking him on the chest.

James feigns a hurt expression when he does so and takes a step back. "That's 'cause it makes you look even more adorable."

Kendall blushes at James' words as he tries to hide the giant grin that has now turned his lips upwards. "You big goof."

James opens the front door and waits for Kendall to walk out before following behind. "You love me, and you know it," he says playfully.

Kendall smiles as he turns around and wraps his arms around James' neck, pulling him into a hug. "I do love you," he whispers in his ear.

James wraps his arms around the shorter boy's torso, pulling him closer, and lays his head against his shoulder, smiling widely. "I love you too."

Pulling back, the brunet takes Kendall's hand in his and gives it a small squeeze as they walk down the path that leads them outside of Kendall's yard.

"So, where are we going?" James asks, following Kendall's steps.

The dirty blond shrugs his shoulders in response. "Not sure, I wasn't really planning on going out today. We could go over to the coffee shop and get something to drink. Is that okay with you?"

"Yeah, sounds good," James says quietly, his thoughts somewhere else. Kendall notices this and turns to look at him for a brief moment as they're walking, worry sketched on his face.

"Everything okay?" he asks worriedly, not liking the way James seems to be somewhat distant.

"Yeah, just thinking, I guess," the older boy responds, the smile he had on his face just a minute before, no longer visible.

"About?"

"Stuff."

"James... you know you can tell me anything, right?" Kendall says softly, his fingers tightening around James', which are cold due to the freezing temperature outside.

James doesn't answer.

"James?"

"I know, Ken, it's just..."

"It's just what?"

James sighs softly, his eyes not meeting Kendall's as he turns to look at his feet. "I don't know. I know it's been eight years since dad left, but sometimes I wonder if I could have done something to stop him from leaving, you know? He made it pretty clear that it was because of me that he left, and mom... mom didn't make it any easier."

"Your mom was wrong for agreeing with him. You didn't do anything to make him leave, it's not your fault."

"She always blamed me for it, though. If they both hated me so much, then maybe I shouldn't have been born to begin with."

"No." Kendall stops walking as they near a street intersection, though there are no cars passing at the moment. He turns to James, tears glistening in his eyes, and takes his face in his hands. "Don't say that. Your mom and dad might've been awful parents, and they didn't give you the love that you deserved, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't have been born. So many people love you. _I_ love you, and there's not a moment that has gone by since I met you back when we were little, in which I wished I didn't have you as my best friend. And now... now you're so much more than that. Your parents may not have been there for you, even though they should have been, and I know that it hurts, and I know that what I say does little to help. But you are worthy of love, and you _are_ loved, and I need you to know that."

James slightly smiles and places his hands on top of Kendall's, moving them away from his face but keeping a grip on them. "You help more than you know," he says softly. "And yeah, my life at home was pretty crappy, and there were times when I didn't see the point in going on, but you and the guys were always there for me when I needed you. You gave me the sanctuary I needed, and even though it wasn't the same, you gave me love and showed me I was wanted, and somehow, that was enough to keep me going."

"I'll always love you," Kendall whispers softly, his eyes looking straight into James' hazel ones.

James smiles and leans forward, pressing his lips to Kendall's cheek for a second, and then moving back. "Thank you."

"No reason to thank me," Kendall says and stuffs his hands into the pockets of his jacket. The two cross the street, nearing the coffee shop that is at the end of the block.

Sighing contently, James walks by Kendall's side. The only sound surrounding them is that of the squishing of their boots against the snow.

"This is nice," James says suddenly, turning to look at Kendall, who furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

"What is nice?"

"It's nice to get out for a bit. It's so calm outside today, and it's nice to just be around you, enjoying each other's company, if you get what I mean."

Kendall grins and lightly crashes into James, making the brunet stumble to the side. "Ow, what was that for?"

"You're so cheesy sometimes, it's adorable."

"And you crashed into me, because?" James asks with a pout.

Kendall only rolls his eyes at him and smirks. "No reason, just because."

"Well, that makes _so_ much sense."

Kendall laughs and opens the door to the coffee shop once they get there. James walks in, followed by the blond, who nods to an empty table that is off at the corner of the small and cozy place. There's not many people inside to their surprise, so they don't have to wait very long to order.

"You can go ahead and sit down, I'll order," James says. Kendall nods and walks towards the empty table and takes a seat, then turning towards the window, where snowflakes are still stumbling from the sky.

It doesn't take James very long to arrive with two cups of hot chocolate in his hands. He places one in front of Kendall and takes a seat on the other side of the booth, rubbing his hands together to keep warm. "It's so cold outside, yet it's so warm and cozy in here."

"You'd think we'd be used to the cold by now. It feels like it gets colder and colder every winter," Kendall says before taking a sip of his hot chocolate. "I like it, though. I guess, in a way, I am used to it."

"Me too." James pauses for a moment as he stares out the window, and then turns to Kendall with a small smile on his face. "Do you remember when we were little, and you were just learning to skate?"

"I remember I was so clumsy, I couldn't even stand on the ice." Kendall chuckles, his cheeks turning a rosy pink at the memory. "I also remember being made fun of for that very reason." The smile on his face disappears, his eyes glued to the cup of steaming hot chocolate in front of him. "And you and Carlos and Logan would tell the other kids to leave me alone."

"Who would've thought the four of us would become best friends."

"I'm glad we did, though." Kendall looks up when he feels James' hand rest on top of his. The brunet's hazel eyes reflect nothing but love and admiration for the boy in front of him. "What?"

"Nothing, I just really love you."

Kendall blushes and ducks his head, making James chuckle. "Stop laughing, it's not funny," Kendall mutters, but he can't help but grin from ear to ear.

"I just find it amusing."

"Find what amusing exactly?"

"The fact that, even though I've known you for most of my life, you still blush whenever I say something as simple as 'I love you.' Or how, you can change my mood, by simply being yourself. And, I guess... I grew up thinking I'd never find that."

"Love?" Kendall asks, to which James nods.

"Yeah... love."

"Why did you think that?"

"Several reasons, I guess." James places his cup of hot chocolate back on the table and looks around, thankful to realize there's no one sitting near them. "You see, I guess I grew up feeling unloved by most people, and I grew up in a bad environment. My mom and dad would always fight, and over the stupidest things. It was a constant war of yelling at my house, you know, before dad left. He would constantly tell me that no one would ever love someone like me, and I guess that as I grew older, I started to believe it more and more. Watching my dad leave my mom behind, didn't help either. And I guess it just made me think that maybe, _if_ someone ever did love me... maybe they'd eventually stop l-loving me and leave t-too."

"Hey, no. Look at me." When James doesn't look up, Kendall places his hand under James' chin and lifts his head up, so that they're eye to eye. "I will _never_ stop loving you. I would never, ever leave you because I think you're not good enough. You're _more_ than enough, and you're more than I could have ever asked for."

"I know... I'm just being stupid."

"You're not stupid," Kendall says, brushing the pad of his finger against James' cheek when he sees a tear fall. "It's understandable. I don't think you're stupid at all, you're just scared. There's a difference between the two."

James sighs and looks away from Kendall's bottle green eyes. "I'm sorry... I ruined the mood."

"You didn't ruin anything," Kendall assures him. "If you want, we can go back home. I don't mind."

"But..."

"James, I really don't mind, I promise."

James sighs and nods his head. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure," Kendall says with a smile. "We can go home and just hang out, watch some movies or something. It doesn't matter. I don't want you be out here if you don't feel like it."

"Thank you."

The two boys walk out of the coffee shop and walk back home in silence – James wrapped up in his own thoughts, and Kendall being quiet, since he's afraid of upsetting the brunet even more.

"Hey mom," Kendall says as they both walk in and start taking off their boots and jackets. Mrs. Knight is in the kitchen, baking what appears to be sugar cookies, while Katie's nowhere to be seen. "Where's Katie?"

"In her room. Are you boys hungry? I can make you something if you'd like."

"Nah, we're good, Mama Knight," James says. He brushes past Kendall and heads upstairs. Kendall watches him go with a frown.

"Hey mom, can I ask you something?" he asks timidly as he nears her.

"Sure honey, what is it?"

"James is feeling pretty down, because of, well, you know, his dad, and I don't know how to help him. I want to help him... I don't like seeing him upset. But I don't really know what to do."

"Things like that take time. I know it hurts to see him upset, and I know you want to cheer him up, but sometimes the best thing you can do for someone who is feeling down, is be there for them. And I know you can do that."

"I know... Thanks mom," he says, kissing her on the cheek, and then rushing to his room, where James is laying on his bed, curled up and facing the window once more.

"Hey," Kendall whispers as he sits down beside him and tangles his fingers in between the brunet's brown hair. "You okay?"

James takes a few seconds to respond, but when he does, his voice cracks, and he feels like he's in the verge of breaking down. "I-I don't know."

Kendall frowns at the response and lays down beside the older boy. He wraps his arms around James' middle and rests his head on his shoulder. "It's okay," he mumbles as he presses a kiss to James' cheek. "You'll be okay."

"It just hurts, Kendall."

Kendall closes his eyes in an attempt to force back the tears he can feel stinging his eyes. "I know, James. I'm so sorry."

"Why couldn't I be good enough for them? W-Why do I have to screw everything u-up?"

"First of all, you didn't screw anything up – you didn't do anything wrong. Your parents are the ones who ruined everything, not you. Just because they failed to see the good in you, it doesn't mean that it's not there. You're a wonderful person, with a kind heart, and a beautiful personality. Your parents may have failed to see how wonderful you are, but I don't, and neither do all the other people who love you. I see it every day, all of the time, every minute I spend with you."

"Yeah, but... they're my parents. Parents are supposed to love you. Parents aren't supposed to tear you down, m-make you feel unloved, or make you feel like you're not worth anything..."

"Parents aren't always that way, though. Parents can be evil, and they can be abusive. That doesn't mean you deserved it, and it definitely does not mean that they were right."

"Sometimes it feels like they were."

"I promise you they weren't," Kendall says softly as he takes James' hands and holds them tightly in his own. "You're loved, you're wanted, you're cared for, and you're needed. And I promise you, you always will be."

Even though the words do little to stop the heartache that James feels, he knows that despite what his mind might tell him, Kendall's right. His head might scream at him that he's a failure, or that he's unwanted, or unloved, but his heart says otherwise. And he knows Kendall well enough, to know that he never breaks a promise.

"My mind's telling me to not believe you, but... I do. If there's anyone I would believe, it's you," he says and turns around, wrapping Kendall in a hug and relishing the warmth the smaller boy provides.

And that's something he has always loved about Kendall – he's always warm, not necessarily physically, but there's something about his personality that makes anyone feel loved, wanted and safe, and James is no exception.

* * *

 **I think I've read too many Kames stories, and it has kind of gone to my head...**

 **Moving on, I hope you enjoyed this. :) Let me know what you thought. And thank you for reading.**

 **P.S. Did anyone catch the MSBWU reference in the story? ;)**

 **~ BigTimeRush-BTR :)**


End file.
